What I am about to say may sound crazy, may sound bizarre, or maybe they sound like hope. I have literally been mind blown since 7:30pm this evening. God has literally been so evident in my life, that I cannot even begin to express how. My words will never be able to give justice to how blessed I am to have been able to receive this moment.

This may make no sense, this may be a huge ramble, but God knows my heart and that is all that matters. You can judge this, critique this, and even rip this apart, but I promise this has caused me to rethink my relationship with Jesus.

I give all the glory to Jesus for this evening. He definitely used people here at Breakaway to catch my attention. I literally feel like Jesus reached out his hand and said “Michele, come with me. I’m still here. I never left you.”

Let’s back up around 7:30-8:00pm, Shane and I are in the kitchen cleaning the griddle, which I have been frustrated with all day, and out of no where, which probably was not really no where, Shane says something along the lines of, “How are you doing? Really how are you doing?” Normally, I would just say, “I’m great,” but something was telling me to be honest. Something was telling me not to lie, not beat-around-the-bush, not to fake it, not to do anything but tell the truth.

So this is how it started, a real conversation between two friends. A conversation between two people who care about each other, who want to help each other, who want to help each other grow. This all started because someone said, “Hey How are you really doing?” There is so much power in that word “really.” It just conveys that “I’m not messing around, tell me what’s really going on” meaning.

So I did. I shared my struggles. I shared my pain. I shared my heart. A real one-on-one connection where the Lord was using Shane to get through my stubbornness. The whole time Shane is sharing his experience, his knowledge, and his thoughts, I am being convicted by the Lord, in a good and bad way.

A huge rush of emotion is flooding my mind, overwhelming me to the point where I cannot even hide it. It feels like it is written across face with black marker. I feel all the labels pouring out: Luke Warm, Envious, Doubtful, Jealous, Self-Concious, Promiscuous, Liar, and most of all Sinner.

I feel my sin is just vomiting out of my mind onto the floor. It was the third time since I given my life to Christ at Washington Family Ranch during June of 2007, that I felt actually felt the Holy Spirit working in my life. In reality, the Holy Spirit has been with me the whole time, whether I chose to accept its presence is a different story.

Tonight i felt the Lord screaming at me, begging for me, yearning for me to come home. To remember what home feels like, what home with Jesus feels like. What a safe-haven with Jesus feels like. I felt the Lord screaming, “Step back Michele. Step Back! Step Back! I got this!”

I felt the Lord calling me to step back while I was watching a sermon by Judah Smith from The City Church in Kirkland, Washington. I am not letting the Lord take charge of my life. I am trying to fight this battle alone when I need to let God stand right in front of me. He is telling me to step back and I am refusing to listen. He wants to fight for us, we need to be obedient when we are called.

This video literally caused me to rethink how I am currently living my life with Jesus. God used this sermon to open my eyes about how I am living, how I am struggling, and how I need to change.

I pray that if you watch this sermon that you do it in a quiet place. In a place free of distractions where you can be real. Be open to it’s interpretation, and go into it with an open mind.

Shane gave me some great advice before watching this video. He told me that I could apply this message in ALL aspects of my life. He told me this message by Judah does not just relate to sexual immortality, but all sin in general. I definitely agree with this statement.

If you feel lead to watch this video, I promise you will not regret it. It really opened up my eyes and showed me how I am living my life. To be honest, I hate the way I am living my life currently. There are so many things that I want to change and wish I could change, but I know I cannot do it alone.

What I have found out though, is that if I just change one thing everything else will work out. A good friend also told me that with Jesus everything will work out. Not in the end everything will work out, but right now if you are in relationship with Jesus everything will work out. It will. It’s a promise. Everything will work out.

I am literally floored, awestricken about what I have heard this evening.

These verses from John chapter 8 changed my perspective and my relationship with Jesus. A group of Scribes and Pharisees, which are a just a group of men, brought a woman to be condemned by Jesus because she was literally caught in the act of adultery. The men brought her before Jesus and this is what happened…

“7 So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

I would say I have been a Christian for 5 years now, but in reality my relationship with God has been a huge struggle. It has been a rough road personally with him and I. I have lots of doubt and insecurities, but this message tonight was SO CLEAR IT WAS LIKE WATER! “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” Those words finally set me free. I finally feel set free. God has set me free.

God has a plan for me and it will work out. God has blessed me with some amazing family, amazing friends, and an amazing boyfriend. God has placed all these people in my life for a reason, and I may never know why.

God knows I have been struggling these last couple of days. He knows I was hurting, but gosh this message brings me so much peace. So much healing and so much joy.

Our God is a mighty God. He is all-powerful and all-knowing. He is always walking with us. Sometimes in front of us and sometimes behind us. Our God is perfect.

The Lord wants us in real, true relationship with him. He wants a true commitment, and he has given us the free will to make that choice. God is never going to leave you, he is never going to forsake you, but he is begging for you to choose him. He wants that relationship with you.

Our God is the everlasting God. He is the maker of all things. And He is mighty to save. He is the God of Love and the God of Grace and he is begging for us to realize that we just need to love him back.

Tonight I start over. Tonight God and I start our even stronger relationship together. Tonight is a beautiful starry night sky at Breakaway Lodge. I am forever grateful.